1. Not an Ending

From the recording Wake

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cellos and vocal: Anna Fritz


Not an Ending
by Anna Fritz

This is not an ending, a stopping place.
Cause we are always in motion,
churning, spinning forward.
Somewhere someone is sputtering a last breath
as I draw mine
from the cold air that brings us winter,
that brings us death
and another joyous, hurting moment of life:
strife, which is the knife at our throats,
hoping against hope that we’ll awaken
before she cuts the cord.

I am trying to wake up,
thrashing inside,
like a dream of paralysis
this winter chrysalis
of my frozen mind and limbs.
Slowly I grind into motion
as I bleed with the ocean,
plant seeds,
pull weeds,
put them in my salad.

You are my catalyst,
creating synthesis of dreams
into real, tangible things.
And you are my roadblock,
my too much comfort,
my thick quilts on frigid afternoons,
a womb
I would gladly crawl back into.

But these contractions,
quick reactions,
the birthing pains of our love
they leave me writhing, crying, trying
to find a channel
for this blaze burn page turn
of a hurt.

But I’ll walk into the flames with you.
Yeah, I’ll walk into the fire.
And there, I will dance.